Empty handed I am. This is a fact all men can claim with personal application. However, some come to learn it through lonliness of heart. "Some" includes me. With a smile on my face, rotting my soul with its hypocrisy, I drown in emptiness. Can I not just be honest-faced? Is it that I do not trust that the body of Christ will care for its own members? It's most likely it will not, at least not with real concern, but there are a few that would truly reach out. A couple for sure. However, the issue extends to more closely related subjects. They might be discussed here in this physical representation of my scattered mind.
I can not live; I can not work; I can not read; I can not pray; I can not sing; I can not love; I can not laugh; I can not cry; I can not play. I can only appear to do these things. But my wholeness is not welcome at these festivities. This has only just occured to me. I know neither how nor why. Perhaps I do, for I can know one thing, and in this one thing changed the world: "Your love is better than life." Surely this one thing can change one who helps make up the world. May it do more than make sense. May it make me. He loved me first, and my natural response ought to be to first love Him. But sin makes one go against He who bought and changed him. I want to want to love Him. God uses that. It allows for perseverance. Not that God needs that; it's merely an aspect of such a condition.
"You make oceans from the rain, bringing life into this place. And I will drown inside your love until I see your perfect face."
I want to do this drowning.
Who else besides my self will I hurt because of the false sense of emptiness I experience? I know a few.
How is it a false sense, knowing that the things I know I don't have cannot be had anyway in the truest sense apart from intimacy with God? Here's a clue: the knowledge manifests itself in apathy and the selfish kind of depression, if there is any other kind. I'm not sure. One can know truth, and apply it selfishly. A lot of Atheists do this everyday. So do some fundamentalists with their perfectly ok policies, only in a different way.
So how can I know this truth in a selfless way? Not through force, that's for sure, for there is none that seeketh God. For me to seek through my power would be to ensure failure, for one that seeketh with his own power will not seek God, but by default seeks his own. But the one who seeks by His power by default seeks God's own, for he is and acts like God's own. Once again, the prevailing, one-word answer is. . .yield. Yield your soul, your life, your pride, everything inside and out. "What is man that thou art mindful of him?" But You use him for your glory as you deserve. What is man. . .you are mindful of Him? To understand this fully, the "you" must be understood. At least to an extent. But that' for our own personal thoughts and studies. But at least, know this my soul, that He who began this great work in you is faithful to complete it. So set your will, your struggles and strifes at highest second to the one Who can not fail at what He sets out to do. For to seek God's own is the highest calling for all who live, including God. And all who set out to do it in His power will be blessed with victory.